Dear Cuba, please tweet

Meanwhile in my bounteous studies of Latin America every teacher is basically obsessed with Che Guevara. Like there is a ton of emphasis on Che. And I am not positive, but I’m pretty sure its because he is dead. Do you see teenagers walking around wearing shirts with the faces of other Latin American guerrilla fighters on them? No.

So there I am reading my assignment, Che Guevara’s Bolivian diary and he is all “today I ate a pony and some cat and I had a bath for the first time in months.” Then I realized that there can never be a revolution again ever because if Che Guevara was trying to overthrow the government of Bolivia today he would totally be blogging that shit. The CIA would totally catch him in a Bolivian Starbucks trying to blog all incognito and shit. The revolution would fail because, sadly, there is no wireless in the jungle. And everyone knows successful protests are carried out by tweet these days.

The reason I say that about Che being dead is because Castro like had anus cancer or something and he seems a lot less cool now. Revolutionaries don’t get ass treatments. But I still tried to get a visa to go to Cuba to check it out as a part of my education. They said no and now I’m on America’s terrorist watch list. But whatever, we all know I have been on that list since I purchased the Communist Manifesto on Amazon like two years ago. FOR MY STUDIES, of course. And by the way, in case anyone is wondering, no one tweets in Cuba. So obviously communism has its flaws. I would investigate the twitter problem in Cuba but I CAN’T because I live in the bestest most free-est country ever!

In retrospect my visa probably got denied because I wanted to do research about why people in Cuba can’t tweet. This is why I can’t believe anyone is giving me a diploma. The most pressing question on my mind about the great Socialist Revolution in Cuba pretty much boils down to social networking. I keep waiting to turn into a serious scholar but the closer I come to the end, the more I realize that I will always wonder shit like this. And probably awkwardly and OUT LOUD.

In conclusion I think it was Che Guevara who gave socialism a bad rep. Because I would seriously have tons of doubts about your moral character if you told me you killed and ate a pony and a cat. I would judge you if I read that shit on your blog. Like seriously, if you eat cats I think your political philosophy is dubious. And I am a p̶r̶o̶f̶e̶s̶s̶i̶o̶n̶a̶l̶ political scientist. And I would stop reading your blog, also.