Acting like an asshole on the holidays is kind of my thing and I’m out of the office.
As you all know, this whole Cuba trip is really just an unnecessarily elaborate suicide attempt. Should I return dead, this party is going to be a SWEET FUCKIN’ WAKE!
Everyone said that finding a roommate on Craigslist was the best way to get murdered, but it’s harder to get someone to murder you than you’d think.
In AD 36 Jesus of Nazareth, the living incarnation of God, was crucified by merciless Romans. John McCain did nothing.
You probably noticed that your class didn’t rock as much as it usually does today. That is because I wasn’t in it.
I would go to jail but Pfizer will still put a disclaimer on their bottles that says THIS PRODUCT IS NOT INTENDED FOR INTRANASAL DELIVERY.
I will regale you with fascinating tales like the time I went on a diet that consisted of nothing but chicken strips and clear gatoraide and lost 20 lbs.