As an adult college student. I find it necessary to amuse myself. Perhaps it is the Robitussin. But I think this is fucking hilarious.
“You probably noticed that your COM 101 class didn’t rock as much as it usually does today. That is because I wasn’t in it. I know. I’m sorry. You see I am the parent of a second grader. And would you believe that second graders are snotty, unwashed little heathens teeming with filthy, disgusting germs? Well it is true.
“So my throat is sore and I was up all night and I can’t hear or breath. I can only deduct that children are evil and that no one should have them. Thus, I was not in class today because I wouldn’t want to infect you or any of my fellow students with this disease that only second graders are immune to. YOU’RE WELCOME.
“I managed to buy a public speaking book for $20 off another student so I am now prepared to show up to class. On TUESDAY. But in any case, if you would like me to do any reading, homework… human sacrifices, you know whatever, then please let me know. I’m sure the Robitussin will wear off sometime between now and Tuesday and I will be able to complete any assignment that you may want to assign to me.”
Seriously. Fail me. That shit is funny.