Literally Being a Vegan for real

Okay so like I am a vegetarian. And my kid is allergic to everything. So we are vegans which rocks my face off. But you know, the medicine she is on costs $3,000 a MONTH over here and my pyramid scheme is totally not paying that much. So instead we have a diet because diets are so obviously much more more effective than drugs and everything. If you are poor and uninsured, that is.

But that is not the story.

She is also in second grade and its pretty much a rule that all second graders love cupcakes and everything but people who are allergic to dairy cannot have cupcakes because the world is unfair, kid. So today we got a ton of shit from the dude at Barnes and Noble for buying this fucking fantastic gourmet vegan cupcake book. I know that fat people don’t understand if you don’t add butter to EVERYTHING or whatever, but seriously I don’t need judgment from 50 year old fat dudes at Barnes & Noble on my eating habits. The way I see it, as long as I can still drink wine with guacamole my delicate palette is going to be just fine.

Uh. So in this books there are these recipes for like Margarita cupcakes, green tea cupcakes, carrot ginger cupcakes and all this awesome shit that I am about to have a mouth orgasm over. So I ask my kid, “what kind of cupcakes do you want?” and she is all VANILLA!!!

And that is the story of why kids ruin your life.


  1. Yep…sort of like you spend way too much on a gift for them and they enjoy playing with the box it came in so much more

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