I just spontaneously bought a ticket to San Francisco because I’m going to fly there to meet a Hinge date and drive to LA with him tonight. We’ve never met.
I’m actually insane. It’s one of my best qualities. (Dateability wise.)
I’m not telling anyone where I’m going. My friends would just google “people who got murdered on Hinge dates” and try to talk me out of it. But I already paid for this plane ticket so this bad decision is non-refundable.
I probably won’t get murdered. What are the chances that we are both insane maniacs? He’s from Australia so he’s not trying to go to American prison. Although… he’s getting a flight home so if he kills me he’d escape the country before my body could be found. This is going to make a great episode of Unsolved Mysteries.
It’s 114 degrees in Vegas today and I haven’t taken a vacation in 9 years. Fuck it, I’m just going to tell him that no one knows where I am and no one will miss me if I disappear. I can go on a crazy suicide vacation any time I want, I’m a fucking adult.
I’m more concerned about how this could be an awkward 6 hour drive. There is no exit strategy for a date with plane tickets and schedules and shit. Other than murder, there are only two possible endings to this date: Either we hit it off and get married or it’s a lifelong facebook messenger relationship. Murder is probably the most favorable outcome.
Maybe he’s the one: my murderer
The overnight drive turned out to be a normal first date in a car. He was fake, I was fake, the conversation was superficial…. There wasn’t enough tequila to fall in love. There wasn’t enough room in the car to have sex. How were we even supposed to get to know each other? This is a great way to get murdered but it’s a horrible idea for a date!
So he got on his plane back to Australia and suddenly I was in Los Angeles by myself on a Saturday morning. Random. I had not slept in 26 hours and I arrived to find a bar right next to my departure gate. I spent the remainder of the day getting drunk with strangers while waiting for my flight. I really do need alcohol to have a good time because it was the best part of the date. Fucking sobriety ruins all of my relationships.
I can go on a crazy suicide vacation any time. I’m an adult.
— Viva La Crap! (@vivalacrap) July 27, 2019