Merry Christmas to everyone who gets my sense of humor!
This is why I can’t send Christmas cards
Dirty Sea Pigeons
You don’t know their powers
Touch Penises
It’s like the “wear sunscreen” speech but actually applicable to modern life. Sunscreen can’t protect you from this economy.
Next time you feel like a loser
Advice that I sent to my daughter from Mexico.
There is no god eat the cookie
The best thing about lemon oreos is that the carbs go straight to your dick.
Mystifying Trash Cat
Praise b to the paws of righteousness. Go with procyon. And please clean my bathroom.
Not threatening to haunt you
Imagine sending me a postcard threatening to drop a house on me like I wouldn’t LOVE that? First of all: free house! Also, dead.
murder genesis
Thus they formed a massive black feathery murder cloud and exacted death upon humans, fulfilling prophecy.
Stop procreating, do cocaine, be nocturnal
The possum is my shepperd, I shall not want. He maketh me lie down in trash.
Chonky boyz go to heaven
This is a close approximation of heaven. The real heaven does not exist. Cats know. To the aliens I say this: Abducting our cats is an act of war. Take Mike Pence, you cowards.