In 20 years you will be eating spaghetti alone and looking forward to traveling to Mexico to meet strange men and hopefully die.
Peaking Early
the tremendous burden of keeping myself alive
I think I died in March
A Possum Apostle
On the back it just says “Vote Republican”
10 Reasons to Eat the Rich
10 Reasons that eating the rich is self care.
This postcard is gross
When someone asks you if you’re a god you say “YES!”
When someone asks you to denounce white supremacy you say “stand back and stand by because this is not a right wing problem, this is a left wing problem.”
Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer
I like trashing politicians and writing with cool pens. But it’s COVID so I can’t actually do an activity. I’ve got an idea.
Ruth
The uterus is responsible for generating all of the body’s despair.
Moving to Mexico with the other Millennials
I have to find a way to diplomatically inform Mexico that I just want to go drink tequila on the beach and live my best life until I get eaten by a shark. That’s a fine reason to move to a country.
Hiking in Guantánamo like a revolutionary
Man, you had to be committed to become a part of a revolution. I would have been out of the revolution almost immediately.
Stone Cold Sober in the Havana Airport
If I’m at an airport and I’m not drunk then what am I even doing? Having a bar is literally my only criteria to highly rate an airport.