This is a close approximation of heaven. The real heaven does not exist. Cats know. To the aliens I say this: Abducting our cats is an act of war. Take Mike Pence, you cowards.

In 20 years you will be eating spaghetti alone and looking forward to traveling to Mexico to meet strange men and hopefully die.

I think I died in March

10 Reasons that eating the rich is self care.

When someone asks you if you’re a god you say “YES!”

When someone asks you to denounce white supremacy you say “stand back and stand by because this is not a right wing problem, this is a left wing problem.”