The Skank Patrol

After work we always have awesome employee meetings where we talk about our business plans like how we are going to open a baby food resturant for grown ups because that bananna baby food is some good shit. Also we discuss important issues like how women who hang together get the same cycle so probably […]

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Nevada Rebels!

I’m going to invent a new drink called “My Number” and its going to be something really fucking retarded and gross like Malibu and Mountain Dew and then when I walk up to someone at my bar and I say “What can I get you?” and then they say “your number.” I will just get […]

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cunty is the new best word ever.

My new favorite word is “cunty” I am pretty sure thats a verb. Because being cunty is an action. Like our security guard is quite cunty. He never has my back and lets underage people in so I can serve them and get fucked. So when I carded him he called me racist and now […]

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i hate the american cancer society

Last night the owner of my bar sat huddled with all 2 of his employees and two promoters around the tv because of this. I know you won’t click the fucking link, so I will just tell you that on voting day all the smokers decided not to go because there was no smoking at […]

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Kill Hip Hop

On Saturday I made $400. Everybody tipped me and they were giving me like $5 tips and shit and I was all trying to give the money back because I am not used to being treated nice by decent human beings or whatever. So. I pretty much don’t understand why I need to work for […]

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I’m a Felon now.

Last night I got a fake $10. I didn’t really look at it until after I accepted it because I am a fucking rockstar like that. Yeah, slip me some money and I just throw it in my till because I am too cool to hold it up to the light if its just a […]

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I’m fucking TERRIFYING

I am so fucking scary on Halloween my own daughter won’t talk to me. But my mom still will because she isn’t afraid of ANYTHING even coming to visit you when you already said no. I wore this outfit and people who I buy alcohol and booze from all the time seriously carded me even […]

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reasons I hate being married.

1. I’m not allowed to buy the “come fuck me” shoes. 2. When I buy that $100 pair of red heels that I call my “come fuck me” shoes I have to hide them in the closet from you so you don’t find out I wasted $100. 3. Wearing the “come fuck me” shoes is […]

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I’m Bringing Sexy Black

The other day I said OFF THE HOOK. Like… during the course of a normal conversation not even as a joke or anything. I am turning black. I bet when I said that it made me sound really white. Also I know the hip hop night DJ and he is the best DJ in Las […]

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I have to dress up…

I am going to order this shirt from this website Actually, I am thinking from now on I will do all my clothes shopping on this website. Actually I wish I already had this shirt because they told me I have to dress up tomorrow because they cancelled rock night and Fridays are forevermore BIKER […]

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