Nevada Rebels!

I’m going to invent a new drink called “My Number” and its going to be something really fucking retarded and gross like Malibu and Mountain Dew and then when I walk up to someone at my bar and I say “What can I get you?” and then they say “your number.” I will just get them the Mt. Dew and Malibu and say OKAY $9 PLEASE.

If you want my number you kind of have to tip me. Like a lot. Also a good pickup line is not “I want to make love to you.” because that. is just not. even kind of attractive. when you yell it across a bar over loud music. And also pickup lines like that do not work on me because things that work on me are top secret like pretty much so top secret and ridiculous that I don’t even know them.

Like tonight I heard Sublime and remembered that I always want to fuck guys who speak Spanish. Also if you want to speak Spanish to me and have me think its hot then you have to be white because if you learned it from your mom or whatever then its just not as special.

Tonight was lame except the show COPS was outside with an ambulance and firetruck and everything. Then the ambulance guys took out the strecher and I was like ALLRIGHT SOMEONE DIED! I’m not kidding I was GIDDY. But then they came back with the empty stretcher and I was like THANKS A LOT PARAMEDICS! I mean I wanted to see a body and have some exciting night to blog about or whatever but then those dickshits had to go SAVE the guy. Such a disappointment. I mean really.

But this is fucking hilarious:

separater

This has been a post from my former blog from when I was cooler. Or at lease when I was younger Viva La Crap!

Continue Reading

cunty is the new best word ever.

My new favorite word is “cunty” I am pretty sure thats a verb. Because being cunty is an action. Like our security guard is quite cunty. He never has my back and lets underage people in so I can serve them and get fucked. So when I carded him he called me racist and now […]

Continue Reading

i hate the american cancer society

Last night the owner of my bar sat huddled with all 2 of his employees and two promoters around the tv because of this. I know you won’t click the fucking link, so I will just tell you that on voting day all the smokers decided not to go because there was no smoking at […]

Continue Reading

Kill Hip Hop

On Saturday I made $400. Everybody tipped me and they were giving me like $5 tips and shit and I was all trying to give the money back because I am not used to being treated nice by decent human beings or whatever. So. I pretty much don’t understand why I need to work for […]

Continue Reading

I’m a Felon now.

Last night I got a fake $10. I didn’t really look at it until after I accepted it because I am a fucking rockstar like that. Yeah, slip me some money and I just throw it in my till because I am too cool to hold it up to the light if its just a […]

Continue Reading

I’m fucking TERRIFYING

I am so fucking scary on Halloween my own daughter won’t talk to me. But my mom still will because she isn’t afraid of ANYTHING even coming to visit you when you already said no. I wore this outfit and people who I buy alcohol and booze from all the time seriously carded me even […]

Continue Reading

reasons I hate being married.

1. I’m not allowed to buy the “come fuck me” shoes. 2. When I buy that $100 pair of red heels that I call my “come fuck me” shoes I have to hide them in the closet from you so you don’t find out I wasted $100. 3. Wearing the “come fuck me” shoes is […]

Continue Reading

I’m Bringing Sexy Black

The other day I said OFF THE HOOK. Like… during the course of a normal conversation not even as a joke or anything. I am turning black. I bet when I said that it made me sound really white. Also I know the hip hop night DJ and he is the best DJ in Las […]

Continue Reading

I have to dress up…

I am going to order this shirt from this website Actually, I am thinking from now on I will do all my clothes shopping on this website. Actually I wish I already had this shirt because they told me I have to dress up tomorrow because they cancelled rock night and Fridays are forevermore BIKER […]

Continue Reading

ima promoter now bitches.

I think that everyone who works there has an infatuation with drama because now that Kelly is gone we are all so bored that we can barely stand each other. Also I am a promoter now but in secret because I have to help the real promoter with myspace and he told me that he […]

Continue Reading