The boss is gone now for vacation and he left the former manager in charge Captain Stinky Mouth. We call him that because it smells like a rat died in his mouth and he likes to breath on you all the time so we were going to buy him a tic tac gift basket for Christmas. Or trick him into drinking a glass of bleach.
Also the Captain wears pink 50’s style bowling shirts and drives a purple Chrysler PT Cruiser but he IS NOT gay because we have caught him having late night skank-booty calls inside the bar. Oh yeah and also he is married. Um. to a girl.
And if we ever say anything to him about how he is wearing some pink bowling shirt and he should take it off because he looks like he might be downs syndrome then he looks at you like you are stupid because he thinks he is a creative person and therefore allowed to be all weird and creepy. I guess if you are some awesome artist you can totally do what you want but if you just make shitty low budget porn that does not qualify as art so you should just wear shit from Abercrombie or whatever like everyone else.
Also I know he makes porn because he always brags about his movies but never actually says what kind of movies he makes so I googled the shit and this is actually the description of an actual movie he actually made:
“The misadventures of four crazy and fun loving guys from a New York City neighborhood during the early rock and roll era who sing their way out of wacky situations.”
Its creepy that anyone ever thought that would be good. It MUST be porn because otherwise it is a serious crime that anyone actually published this in any type of serious manner.
Another thing is the dude goes to the gym and is all *against* smoking or whatever and tries to put off this virginal and healthy persona which is obviously just him covering up for the fact that he is a total pervo freak and cheats on his wife and has
gonorrhea IN HIS MOUTH.
Also ever since Capt. Stinky Mouth showed up we have had all kinds of cheeky and fun shenanigans at his expense. Like last night we broke down the whole entire bar and put everything “away” even though he won’t be able to find any of it now because the last 2 times I met him he gave me some lecture about his pet peeve is shit being sticky. Ironic for a porn star.
Um. I think we need to start a rivalry with the bar employees down the street or something because we are getting way too bored since it took us 3 hours last night to break the bar down all so that we could mildly annoy Captain Stinky Mouth. Perhaps this is a little unhealthy or something.