settle the fuck down!

So every once in a while me and my friend like to ditch our kids and go out whoring and flipping gang signs around Las Vegas because we’re bad asses. Plus, you know, we hate kids.

So we went to Caesars Palace last night to catch Dane Cook because we are so dangerous that we like to put on high heels so we can pack into the tiny colosseum chairs and listen to drunk chicks in front of us talk through the whole show while getting leg cramps. Plus I totally tripped someone with my head because I had an isle seat. BONUS!

But seriously. Don’t go to that place. It’s for tiny people who are classy and drunk Mormon girls and just people who have patience for metal detectors and care about their safety or whatever.

It took 2 hours to get down there and around the Flamingo corner and into the parking garage and the show was like an hour so, you know, WORTH IT! But while we were in nose to nose traffic some crack head got out of his car and wanted to fight me for cutting him off. Probably because my friend is an angry backseat driver who nullifies my “sorry waves” with one finger salutes and gang signs and tons of righteous indignation and stuff. My door was locked and I didn’t have an awesome hood ornament for him to steal, so he just looked at me and said “You’re a NIGGER!”

Um. Methinks all that white people Obama anger has the crack heads TOTALLY riled up right now. Oh yeah, cuz he was a white crackhead.


  1. I know what you mean about hating kids, man. Only when I get that hankerin’ to go whoring, I do it on the internet.


    a. I am a single mama and childcare be wicked expensive

    b. I rarely get called a ‘nigger’ when I whore my ass online. Except on this one site. But I digress.

  2. And I was kind of hoping that Dane Cook’s time was up – I no longer find him funny.

    I hate the drivers here in town. I had a woman cut across three lanes of traffic while turning at a light and almost hit me this morning. I could see her mouthing the word ‘asshole’ at me in her mirror, so I flipped her off. It’s not quite a gang sign, but I think it got the message across.

  3. i think it is so weird when people use the n-word like that. one time in the subway when i lived in NYC this very flamboyantly gay black guy got really pissed because i was pushed into him — it being crowded rush hour and all — anyway, he screamed at me “watch out nigger!” in this really flamboyant voice, so it was pretty hysterical instead of threatening.

  4. I'm having a hard time compiling my thoughts here because I am anxious to go check out Krissyface's blog. Wait, I shouldn't have said that out loud, right?

    Anyway, people worrying about their safety. What pussies.

    Maybe the next time you can send the kids to the show, since they can fit better & you and your friend can whore around at your place. It even removes the whole drunk driving fiasco from the equation.

    Kids, schimds. "Having kids is like being pecked to death by ducks."

  5. white crackhead? was he riding a unicorn, too? perhaps on his way to that pot of gold stashed at the end of the rainbow?

  6. Dang…you have all the fun!

    Speaking of getting out. You need to head over to my blog and do your duty by voting for me. I demand it. The gnomes are waiting…(it was my Tues post)

  7. Dane Cook? Really? I used to respect you.

    Hey, I’m glad you’re back! I was just thinking about you when I found your link back on J’s.

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