how to get a job at the pure

The toilets in the bathrooms at the Caesars Palace are so clean you could actually sit on them and probably you wouldn’t contract herpes or the sars or anything else really gross in fact you would probably contract something fabulous and excellent like rapping skills or astounding good looks.

Also in the Caesars is the PURE nightclub where they DO NOT conduct interviews. That was a close one! Good thing I didn’t sit on those toilet seats because things may have actually gone my way which would literally throw the Earths rotation off it’s axis. I save your lives every day through daring self sabotage and defiant acts of career suicide. YOU ARE WELCOME EARTH.

Turns out that the Pure Management Group has a “central office” located in a slum-tastic shack at 2121 Industrial Road. For your information this is an entirely different ghetto than the one I am accustomed to.

Hi I am the CEO of a multi-billion dollar business in a multi-trillion dollar industry. You can visit me at my office right next door to DIRTY DICKS STRIP-O-RAMA across from THE ALL ANAL PORNO SUPERSTORE.

Actually considering my vast experience in the culture of scum and my degree in ghetto sciences I should have been a shoe-in for this job.

Had I known I was going to strip rowe instead of Caesars I would have left my 1998 Eclipse at home because I couldn’t bring myself to park and leave my precious baby unattended in such frightening neighborhood. That and also because of the complete lack of parking because apparently everyone in Las Vegas wants to work at the Pure. WHO KNEW?

I circled the block for an hour looking for a place to park. I protested this gross injustice by biting my lip until it was bloody.

I’m pretty sure they got the message.

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