i made $30 in quarters tonight

Hip Hop night is lame because no one says please or thank you and they yell “BITCH COME HERE!” if they have to wait for three seconds because you happen to be doing something else the moment they want a drink. Also they throw crumpled dollar bills at you when you tell them they have to pay for water because thats the only way the bar makes money on shitty hip hop night because they never buy drinks. And they say things like “whats the cheapest drink you have?” and when you say water they act all OFFENDED about it.

They stuff their pants full of those little airline alcohols and sneak them in. Then they buy a cranberry juice. Like I really believe that 8 men came to a bar to drink tiny glasses of cranberry juice? At 4am when they leave we pick up all the tiny bottles on the floor of the nightclub.

$38 IS THE EXACT PRICE IT IS FOR ME TO PICK UP TINY ALCOHOL BOTTLES OFF THE FLOOR OF A BAR AT 4 IN THE MORNING IN LAS VEGAS.

I guess rappers think it is cool to carry around some hundred dollar bills. It’s really not that impressive to give me a hundred dollar bill because then I have to use that pen to make sure its a real hundred dollar bill and after that I have to count out 93 dollars in change which is just not that fun at all. Then when they don’t tip I know that they must have just cashed their paycheck from Sams Club at the casino because they don’t have a bank account. And they probably had to ask the teller to make sure and give them HUNDREDS and not twenties because twenty dollar bills are so not fucking cool.

CASINOS WILL CASH YOUR PAYCHECK IN LAS VEGAS EVEN IF YOU HAVE SUCH BAD CREDIT YOU CAN’T EVEN HAVE A FREE CHECKING ACCOUNT AT WELLS FARGO.

Then they go perform or whatever but half of them forget their own rhymes and don’t know how to use a microphone. Then 2 of them lip sync. And when everyone knows you are not really singing then it kind of makes you look ridiculous. Then the other ones don’t even bother to become performers because Ludacris already made a good rap song…. so they just play it and sing along with Ludacris on stage like some 4th grade talent show or something. I guess they thought it was karaoke night or something.

Then me and the cocktail waitress smoke cigarettes behind the bar even though we aren’t allowed to do that and we look at each other and say I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS IS ART.

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