lets get all biblical!

I am totally going to be a campaign manager when I grow up because I am drawn to the outright and sometimes awkwardly absurd. Plus I notice that the size of your salary directly coincides with the number of douche nuggets on your resume. I have tons of turds on my resume. Vote for me!

You know what I have not heard enough about this election? Jesus. If I was Obama I would hire that negative campaign ad “voice-over” guy. I am pretty much waiting for that guy to die or get voice box cancer so I can take over because he is such a douche he has to be literally rolling in cash right now. Probably that is the job that Obama actually wanted but he had to settle for trying to be the stupid President instead because that voice guy just WON’T DIE.

So here is how my anti-McCain commercial would go:

In AD 36 Jesus of Nazareth, the living incarnation of God, was crucified by merciless Romans. John McCain did nothing. In fact, evidence suggests that McCain was accepting gold from both the money changers and even Ponchous Pilote himself! He didn’t save Jesus, but he says he can save us. Do you believe him? Shame on you, John McCain!

John McCain: Wrong for Christianity. Wrong for America.

I dare you to find the part in the bible where it says that this is a lie. If you can’t find it then that means it is actually true according to God. OMG, maybe I am even insinuating that John McCain is a secret Roman! Secret Muslim versus a secret Jesus Cruicifier!!! Now THAT is a campaign season, I don’t know why it’s so hard to freaking argue with these bible people, it’s not like you have to make sense or be logical or anything, gaw.


  1. Ha ha ha. I actually thought McCain was wrongfully imprisoned in a hole during the crusifixion time. I believe he got out about 1700 years later (they had cable…) But I didn’t pay a lot of attention in school so this might have been Biblical urban myth (bum)…

  2. obama does talk about jesus, but he means black jesus, and he says it in the ebonics so you probably just didn’t understand.

  3. I heard that John McCain was the one that got Adam and Eve kicked out of the Garden of Eden, what with their walking around naked all the time. That’s not good for family!

  4. Jesus?

    He’s a pretty good guy.

    Him and his brother Jorge mow my lawn. He doesn’t speak English really well but he really does one hell of a job on my hedges!

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